i stared at the window. it was locked but the key was left there. i opened the window and looked out. its so easy. last time the old man who jumped from 5th storey died.
[Suicide and parasuicide rates have increased in Singapore since 1980 and in 1986 were estimated to be 13.1 per 100,000 and 92 per 100,000 respectively. Those most prone to suicidal behaviour are the Indians and the aged above 70 years. Jumping from a height is still the commonest method of suicide and self-poisoning is the most popular method of parasuicide.]
if they were to study the suicide rate in 2004, it wld probably have increased. and the age group might include teenagers. despite jumping from a height is the commonest method cuz there were so many high-rise buildings around, the latest method is to fall into the mrt track as the train arrives.
[A man can live 30 days without food, 3 days without water, 3 minutes without air, but not a single moment without hope.]
i find this very true. if the will to survive is strong, we can last longer than anything else till our body fails us. when u feel like ending it, its just in a moment of time. it is important that we find our meaning in life to continue, so that we may persevere and carry on. to different ppl, there is a different meaning to go on. its ok, more importantly is to find ur own reason. one of my frens, she said, gotta think of the ppl who are going to be heartbroken when you die. ya, it is indeed necessary to think of ur loved ones. if you really love them deeply, dun wanna them to get hurt or be unhappy, why wld you in the first place commit suicide? another fren, he said, since i have already halfway through my life, might as well get through the whole life. it makes sense too. read abt ppl losing their money and jobs, owe debts, suffered from terminal illness. their lives are really very terrible for people like me to understand. but we all do feel the same way when faced with a hopeless situation right? (yeah, exams to a student does sound hopeless in a way or another) in our mind, we filled with negative thoughts, thinking, 'hey this is the worst i have faced. i cannot tahan longer. (tahan: tolerate i.e. singlish)' for me, every semester seemed so terrible and never ending. its the ultimate torture. but can you imagine? i have been saying this for so many times? even when i took the most hopeless module, i got it over. unfortunately, for some, they chose to end their lives so that they no longer need to face such hopeless situations anymore. we should not be overwhelmed by how we feel. seriously. speaking from experience, once you get too overwhelmed, you dun consider the normal logical thinking. dun give up hope. who knows whether things will turn out for better? "who knows?" only God knows. all the more we should not give up on ourselves. all the more we should pick ourselves up. i still rem once, i heard the pastor saying, why be so hard on urself? you just have to do ur best and leave the rest up to God. you dun have to carry that heavy burden alone bcuz God is with you. we are just too stubborn isnt it? always trying to do things our own ways. but dont you realise it? there is nothing too small and nothing too big for God to handle. Trust in him.
i have no idea why i am typing this entry out of a sudden. hope it can help relieve some unhappiness in anyone who come across this.
p/s: i have not been studying for my exams today. quite hopeless cuz i got so much things to read on. but i guess i would study leisurely and just let life as it is. nothing to be so stressed about, i am not doing honours anyway. surely it wouldnt be that bad i supposed.
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